A Week with the Cullens
by softballcrazy42
Summary: Alice needs to get over some anger issues with Jessica Abla and fix the door. Bella is forced to eat a fish for breakfast by jasper and Emmett,while Edward isn't their to help Bella cause he's eating a special cheeseburger with pickles and many more....
1. It breaking hour!

**Bella POV**

We were all sitting in the Cullen's living room except for Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle was up stairs doing boring doctor stuff once again. Esme was shopping for food for no reason what so ever. (probably trying to be a normal mom) 

"Emmett! Stop poking my face!" I half yelled. 

"But your unibrow is very interesting and fun to poke." Emmett said. 

He sounded like a 80 year old grandma who didn't win bingo at the nursing home.

"Stop annoying my girlfriend!" Edward growled. 

" Well, she's up your butt and around the corner wwaayy up high!" Emmett yelled.

"Hey you got that from me!" Jasper interrupted 

"No I got it from hip hop mania on TV." Emmett replied. "No you got that from me" Carlisle shouted from upstairs. Then I yelled , "I am not up Edwards butt!" Then Alice butted in, "Oh just shut up and get over it" Then Rosalie said, "Alice gosh what happed to you I thought you were having a good day?" Alice then shrieked "Jessica Alba that's what happened!"

But before anyone could say more a ring tone started to play._ You get the best of both worlds._ Everyone was silent trying to figure out were the ring tone was coming from, and there's was only one more option. So everyone looked at Rosalie. She was trying to shut off her phone while murmuring , "Turn off ,turn off ,turn off" 

Her phone wouldn't turn off, so she threw it against the wall and broke it in half. We were all silent but Emmett broke the silence "Rose I may be your husband but why couldn't you tell me you still like Hannah Montana." 

After Emmett said that, everyone fell on the floor bursting out into laughter. All except for Rosalie who was giving Emmett the evil eye.

Then Carlisle comes charging (vampire speed) down stairs and says 

"HA! Now were going to be even Rose cause you told Esme about my private collection of…" 

Carlisle just noticed we were all listening to him. 

Edward started to chuckle, so I'm guessing he read Carlisle's mind. 

"Don't you dare Carlisle if Esme finds out I still like Hannah Montana then she's going to but me more Hannah Montana stuff!!!" Rosalie shouted so loud I hade to cover my ears.

Then Esme walked in with a ton a grocery's

"All those bags better not be for me." I pouted knowing they try to stuff me. "NO" Alice said. "their for meeee!!" she ran towards Esme. Unexpectedly Alice knocked the grocery bags out of Esme's hands while Esme flew out the house taking the door with her. We all looked to where the door used to be, except for Alice who was looking through the bags, and said "Awwwww…., this is just human food. I thought you said she went shopping at J.C penny's!"

"Was that really worth pushing my wife and the door out of the house?" Carlisle questioned. Alice gave him an evil pixie glare and said "shouldn't you go make sure your wife is ok?!" …

"What …oh! …Crap!! Esme!!" Carlisle screamed as he darted toward the door but hit the wall instead and fell down then got up and walked out where the door used to be. But then that left in my thoughts…

"Hey Edward?" I asked. " Yes my love?"

"How come Carlisle didn't go through the wall?"

"That's because I can only do that. Because I'm the terminator." Emmett replied.

"Ya right." I said to him. " Knock on my head" he encouraged. I leaned forward to do three quick knocks on his head. OMG! His head was like knocking on Metal.

"do you even have a brain their?" I questioned.

"I don't think so" Emmett said.

"I know so" Edward murmured.

"You know you just offended yourself?" I asked him.

"Um… aww I did, sorry myself." Emmett pouted then ran upstairs but I heard a crashing sound and looked.

Emmett's foot was stuck in one of the stair steps. We all busted into laughter

"O-k is today breaking everything day? Fine then I'm going to break this" Jasper said while grabbing the piano and crushing it back on the floor making a huge black hole where the piano used to be.

Then Edward left me on the couch and charged toward Jasper and knocked him down in the black hole.

Emmett started biting the stairs cause he couldn't get out.

Then Edward came back and sat down by me.

Emmett eventually got out of the stair step and went upstairs.


	2. Jessica Alba Xmen say what?

Bella POV

Jasper climbed out of the black hole and grabbed Alice away from the

Wal-Mart bags and put her on the couch and sat next to her , Rosalie was trying to fix her phone. Carsile, Esme, and the door came back in the room.

Everone was board to I turned on the TV. and everyone started to watch News 4 Jessica Alba staring in The Eye.

"oh come one they hade to pick the dummest blond chick to play her!?" Alice said.

The Carsile butted in, " Well she has brown hair in the Eye..."

"What do you have against Jessica Abla anyway" Rose asked.

"She plays in Fantastic 4 and she's not fantastic. I'm glad she get's stabbed in the silver surfer one!" Alice shouted.

"Shorty has some anger issues!" Rose murmured

"Yes! their finallay changing the new to a different topic!" Alice cheered.

"i hope it's butter fingers" Jasper said.

COMING UP ON NEWS 4 KRISTEN STEWART AND ROB PATINSON BROKE UP IT LEFT KRISTEN IN TEARS.

"Awww they were so good together." Bella commented.

"You know she kinda looks like you bella.." Carsile said.

"no that can't be me she wears too much make-up." Bella said.

Then Esme said "did you know that Kristen and Rob are done filming new moon and it's coming out november 20th!" OMG

I wanna see that soooooooooooooooo bad

"Edward your taking me to see new moon when it's out!" I demmanded.

"Fine" He murmured.

Then we heard Emmett from upstairs singing along with his radio, With Love By:Hilary Duff. "_baby you can be tough say u never say noth were just goin up just goin up up up up" _Emmett

sang along with every word of it.

"He's wearing the with love perfume too.." Edward chuckled

Then Emmett came down stairs with Rosile's dress on and make-up on.

He looked like the dude from stick it! (**kellen lutz plays in the movie stick it)**

"EMMETT GET OUT OF MY DRESS THIS INSTANT!" Rosile Yelled.

"fine, can i wear your swan dress then you know the one with the fearthures everywhere and the duck head around the neck?"Emmettt asked.

I giggled imagging Rose in a Swan Dress, But then Rose gave me a mean glare so i stopped giggling.

"Fine i take that as a no then." Emmett said while heading back upstairs.

"and take my With Love perfume off too!" Rose shouted after him.

Then everything went silent. Emmett came back down in normal cloths none-gay-addittion....But it was stilll very silent until Emmett said

"I don't like awakward silences"

So he turned on the radio.

_hey, hey, you, you, i don't like your girlfriend no way, no wa-_

I shut it off right away..

"Emmett we don't need to hear Avril Lavigne and her hit song Girlfriend.

"yay and you stole that, "'i don't like awakward silences"' from X-Men 3, not that i watch it." Jasper said.

"Not that i watch it either but that was when they were in the car in X-Men 2" Edward said.

Then my phone started to ring.

_it's a love story baby just say yes oh oh oh o-_

"hello?" i answered.

"hia bella" Charlie said.

"Um hi dad?"i said," do u need something?"

"well i wanted to tell you that billy and jacob are coming for dinner in 30 minutes so i need you to cook cause last time when billy and jacob heard that i was cooking they brought

m.c. Donalds instead." Charlie said sounding hurt.

"all right , all right i'll be their soon.

_hang up._

"Edward i have to go home and cook will you take me?" i asked.

"Yes my love" He said as he walk towards where the door used to be. I followed.


	3. The Fish

**(most people have their say at the very top but i didn't beccause you guys would prob. want to read the story. not what i have to say but my friend told me to put a summery so **

**ya just read, rewiew, and enjoy please cause i went through alot to put this on! thank you and please rewiew)**

**Bella POV**

We were on our way to my house and saw Charile the unicorn right in front of our car!

"Edward pull over charlie the unicorn is in front of us!" i yelled.

"who the heck it charlie the unicorn?" Edward asked.

"he's a unicorn from now pull over.

Edward stopped the car and i got out to see that it was a fake unicornwith a pickle in it's mouth, so we kept driving.

We arrived at my house and saw Jacob and Billy starring right at us. Jacob was holding whitning cream and Billy was holding a pillow.

I hope their not sleeping over, and i knew jacob uses whitning cream! I got out of the car and edward drove away.

"hi guys" I said in an unwelcoming voice.

"hi bella" they said together

"um why do u have a pillow billy?" i questioned.

"Um i really don't know." Billy said as he walked toward his car to put it in the trunk.

"And jacob why do you have whitn-." he cut me off," it's not what you think he said.

"right" i murmured rolling my eyes.

Dinner went by pretty fast so i went upstairs to play some high school musical on the dance floor.

I woke up in the morning at 10:00 and went in the bathroom. I saw a note in the mirror that said

"I MADE YOU BREAKFAST SO COME ON DOWN."

I ran down stairs and saw Emmett and Jasper singing

_zip-a-di-do-da- zip-a-di-a- my oh my i got a wonderful day._

"Oh hey Bella " Jasper said, Emmett greating me with his hand.

"What are you guys doing here where's Edward!" i yelled.

"He's eating cheese burgers right now." Emmett said.

That didn't make sense oh wait it might

"do you mean the special kind with pickles?" i asked.

"Yes" Jasper answered.

Oh now it made sense.

"When do u think he'll be done?" i asked.

Emmett looked at the clock and said

"in about 12 or 15 minutes."

"oh that's not that long, um,..... Emmett why are you cooking a fish.?" I asked.

"cause you just woke up and it's breakfast time..." Emmett said.

"I'm not going to eat i fish for breakfast." i said.

"Oh well you will finish every bit of that fish including the bonesand eyes young lady!" Emmett and Jasper said at the same time they sounded like my mom.

"I'm not eating that it's not even cooked all the way!" I yelled.

"Well theirs no edward to save you so eat it!" Jasped growled.

"Don't forget to eat the eyes and bones..." Emmett reminded me.

So i grabbed my fork and took the first bit.....

wow..............

..........

wait a minute.....

.........................

.....

was this heaven....

............

"No! it Discusting!." "i can't eat that?!" I yelled.

"Well you kinda have to." Jasper said.

"We guled your butt to the chair." Emmett said while holding a glue gun.

Oh great just one bit at a time i thought , one bit one bit was alll i could think then the last thing i saw was Edward by my side in an Emergency room. Then everything went dark...

**(ok so that might be a little weird but i'm tired. if you have any better idea instead of high sckool musical and put it as a reveiw and i'll think about changing it.**

**i felt like putting pickles in it and charlie the unicorn. I hate charlie the unicorn though i think it's the most boraingest thing ever but i thought it would be good their**

**it was either that or the bedtime story fat guy that hade a fish in his mouth "mine didn't have a fish" so ya you get the point so please review "peace")**


	4. Chapter 4

Hi people!!! This story wasn't that good so I'm going to stop writing it now. I can probably imagine like 1 or 2 boos and like a lot of yays. I'm writing another story and don't worry its probably going to be better than this one. Well please read it and I hope you like it. J

p.s. I was a little bit hyper when I wrote this.


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